Neither Was The Winner
by AllusionToAnIllusion
Summary: Both had spent the summer dealing with feelings they couldn't understand, both were confused and both were angry. Neither was the winner in this situation. Song-fic but I'd really appreciate it if you gave it a chance. One-shot


**Yes, this is a song-fic. And yes, this is not where I normally put my song-fics but for some reason I didn't want this one to go in there. Inspired by the song The Winner Takes It All by ABBA.**

**So I saw all 4 sneak peeks today, I'd already seen one of them but I watched it too, and this is what came of them. I needed to repair their relationship a little bit because watching it deteriorate even further was killing me. Though it was definitely interesting to watch. There aren't really any spoilers in this, you just get a feel of how tense their relationship is at the start of the season.**

******Disclaimer: Don't own it but my birthday's April 20th if anybody gets any ideas.**

* * *

Cool air drifted from the open refrigerator as she scanned the mound of take-out boxes inside, the mound he used to refer to as the Styrofoam Temple. Looking inside various boxes to see whether there was any fuzzy substance growing on the food she picked a few items and began dishing them onto a plate. One plate; she was alone tonight. In the last month she hadn't been alone that much, it was too much to bear. The fact that he hadn't called, or even attempted to communicate at all, was too much for her to handle. So she'd moved on, gotten a new boyfriend and had forgotten about the other man, or that's what she told herself. That's why she didn't like being alone recently, because he would always invade her thoughts. When others were with her, or when she was able to spend nights at the precinct concentrating solely on a case, she had other things to focus on, to distract her from what she really felt. But now she was alone, with one singular plate stacked high with cold Chinese food, and her thoughts were beginning to wander. She turned on her radio in an attempt to distract herself; an attempt that she knew from experience was only in vain.

_I don't wanna talk_

_About the things we've gone through_

_Though it's hurting me_

_Now it's history_

_I've played all my cards_

_And that's what you've done too_

_Nothing more to say_

_No more ace to play…_

A soft, almost hesitant, knock on her apartment door interrupted her evening as she set her plate down on the coffee table. Walking over to the door she didn't look through the peephole to see who it was on the other side, too excited by the prospect of a distraction that might actually work. But when she saw whom it was that was standing outside her apartment, hands nervously thrust into coat pockets, she felt like slamming the door and running as far as she could. It was him, she'd told him to go home and he had, she thought she'd seen the last of him for the day but apparently karma was a bitch. Though she really wasn't sure what she did to deserve this.

"I don't get it." He broke the silence between them, the silence she hated and had come to thrive in. Silence meant she didn't have to say anything; she didn't have to face anything.

"What don't you get, Castle?" Her voice came out harsh, cold as ice, she wondered briefly if this is what they're relationship was going to be like from now on when she remembered she was done with him. He wasn't her friend, he wasn't her partner; he was nothing more than the past. She knew this sounded mean, bitchy was a good word for it, but he was the one who had thrown their partnership into the garbage, thrown her into the garbage, not the other way around.

"All of it. Can I come in?" Still being vague, huh?

"I'm busy, Castle, go home." She glared at him, eyes completely frozen over with anger so he couldn't see the hurt.

"Yeah, Kate, you look really busy. The pajamas and plate of what is probably cold Chinese take-out from your fridge really attests to that."

_The winner takes it all_

_The loser standing small_

_Beside the victory_

_That's her destiny…_

Her glare only intensified with that, trying even harder to mask the affect his use of her first name had on her. But the butterflies were only there for a second before she swatted them away, indifference taking their place. He didn't seem to care how much she glared at him though because he just brushed by her and into the apartment. He walked towards her coffee table and stood by the side of the couch, by her lone plate, two reminders of how alone she was.

"What do you want, Castle? Because I really don't have the time for your antics, nor am I in the mood." She spat at him, venom subtly lacing her words. He sat on one end of the couch, reaching over and patting the other side with his hand, motioning for her to sit. She stayed put, shutting the door and leaning against it with her arms crossed over her chest, a defensive maneuver. Seeing that she wasn't going to join him, or even come any closer, he began to speak.

"I don't get any of this," he started off emotionless but the hurt he was feeling quickly made it through to his voice, "I don't understand why everybody at the precinct hates me. I don't get why the captain won't talk to me, or why the boys will only look at me with expressions of disgust and regret. But I especially don't understand why you're acting this way, so cold and distant. As if we were never partners, as if we were never even friends. I didn't do anything wrong! I stopped shadowing you for the summer so I could get my book finished. I have responsibilities, Kate. And then when I see all of you again you act as if I'm another one of those criminals you deal with everyday, as if you despise me as much as you despise them."

_I was in your arms_

_Thinking I belonged there_

_I figured it made sense_

_Building me a fence_

_Building me a home_

_Thinking I'd be strong there_

_But I was a fool_

_Playing by the rules…_

She could clearly hear the hurt and confusion in his speech but didn't care, that was how she'd felt all summer long and he didn't seem to care then, not one bit. And so she broke, broke the dam that had kept her from screaming at him in the precinct, and she let the waves crash down on the shore.

"What did you do?" acid was dripping off of her words as her voice escalated dramatically, "what did you do? I can't believe how much of an ass you are. But why should I be surprised? This is what you do, right? You get close to people and then you just throw them away. You didn't call, you didn't e-mail; hell, you didn't even make an attempt to send a measly text. Esposito's birthday came and went without so much as a word from his pal. You didn't even call Esposito on his fucking birthday, Castle! We were all your friends, we were all part of the same team, and then you just threw all of that away. So why am I acting like we were never friends, never partners? Because all summer long you didn't talk to me, you completely disappeared. Going to the Hamptons so you could spend the summer fucking your ex-wife without one word for four months. Neither friends nor partners do that to one another, you don't know how to be either. So just go back to the fucking Hamptons with you're fucking ex-wife and do whatever the hell you want, but stay away from my team. Because we're done, Castle, I'm done." At some point during her tirade she had stalked towards him, a menacing look engraved upon her face. So now she was standing right above him, looking down on him as if he was some piece of garbage on the sidewalk.

_The gods may throw the dice_

_Their minds as cold as ice_

_And someone way down here_

_Loses someone dear_

_The winner takes it all_

_The loser has to fall_

_It's simple and it's plain_

_Why should I complain?_

And when she looked down into his eyes the hurt was still there but the emotion that took up the most amount of space in that blue ocean was anger. In fact, she was pretty sure his eyes mirrored her own at this point. He rose up off the couch, almost throwing her off balance because they were in such close proximity, and just stared at her for a moment. A fire of anger and frustration burning in his eyes, his face slowly becoming stony, as he began to spit back some of the acid she had thrown his way at her.

"So that's how we're going to play it, Kate? Like I just abandoned you without so much as a second thought?" the look on her face seemed to be an adequate answer so he continued hissing at her, "Because we both know that's not true. Our relationship started to deteriorate weeks before I left; in fact I left so that I wouldn't make things uncomfortable for you anymore. You said it yourself; you didn't want things to be awkward between us. So I left thinking it was what you wanted, that you didn't want me around now that the robbery detective was in the picture. You lied to me, Kate! Is that was friends do; is that what partners do? Lie about where they're going for the weekend, an insignificant detail? Because that's what you did. You acted like I was just some shit that was clinging to the bottom of your shoe, something you just wanted gone. And so I obeyed, I left. I did what you wanted! Why do you care what I do with Gina? I never made it a secret how I felt about you but you just brushed it off. You have Demming, and you obviously don't care about me at all. And by the way, I did try and call Esposito and Ryan but they wouldn't pick up. I came to the conclusion that it wasn't only you that wanted me gone. So don't say we're done because I didn't call, not when I only left under your wishes." His eyes narrowed and she felt hers do the same, their noses were almost touching and she could feel the anger pouring off of him in waves.

_But tell me does she kiss_

_Like I used to kiss you? _

_Does it feel the same_

_When she calls your name? _

_Somewhere deep inside_

_You must know I miss you_

_But what can I say_

_Rules must be obeyed…_

"Get out." She only mumbled it but given how close their faces were he heard it perfectly. For a second she could see hurt flash across his face before he masterfully covered it again.

"I'm not leaving until we fix this, Ka-" He was cut off when she spoke again, this time her voice was much louder and much more stern.

"I swear to God if you are not out that door in ten seconds I will arrest you for trespassing." Still he didn't move, and neither did she. Making no effort to get her handcuffs, much less to drag him down to the station. After a while he spoke again, his voice much softer than before.

"Why didn't you just call?"

"What?"

"If you wanted to talk to me, why didn't you just call me?"

"Because," she thought about telling him the truth, in the end deciding a half-truth would work, "I didn't think you cared." It was completely true, but was only part of the reason she hadn't communicated. She couldn't bear to think of him with Gina, she was confused and she had to get over him were other ones.

"Of course, I care. You're my best friend, my partner, how could I not? Do you know how hard it was for me to just walk away, not to call at all? Do you know how many times I picked up the phone or the car keys just because I wanted to hear your voice? At least once a day, that's how hard it was for me." He put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her down so she was sitting, plopping down beside her after.

"I never wanted you to leave." She looked straight ahead, not wanting to see the onslaught of emotions that would cross his face at what she said.

_The judges will decide_

_The likes of me abide_

_Spectators of the show_

_Always staying low_

_The game is on again_

_A lover or a friend_

_A big thing or a small_

_The winner takes it all…_

They sat like that for a little bit, silence cloaking their bodies, as both comprehended what had been said. He thought she'd wanted him to leave, how far off from the truth that was. She had wanted to go with him, to stay with him no matter what, a small part of her that she squashed daily still did. But they were all wrong for each other, they'd never work out. They'd already succeeded in destroying their friendship once and, if that were repaired, why would she risk it again? No, they would never work out as a couple and she would just have to accept that. So she again squashed the part of her that wanted to try it out, to see where it went because it thought they could be great, because his friendship was too valuable. Out of fear, she squelched her happiness.

"I never wanted to." He finally responded and she barely had time to register the words before he pulled her against his chest, wrapping his arms around her waist. She froze for a moment but then placed her own arms around his neck, nuzzling her face into the side of his neck. She could feel tears pricking at her eyes but refused to shed them, she was too strong for this, she had already cried too much over this man.

_I don't wanna talk_

_If it makes you feel sad_

_And I understand_

_You've come to shake my hand_

_I apologize_

_If it makes you feel bad_

_Seeing me so tense_

_No self-confidence_

_But you see_

_The winner takes it all_

_The winner takes it all..._

Silently he got up, placing his arms back at his sides, before walking towards the door. She sat there; quiet as well, watching him walk away for the second time. She knew he was only trying to give her space, give her what he thought she wanted, but she couldn't help the pang of hurt at the reminder of the last time he had walked away from her. She couldn't let him do this, she wasn't going to sit by and let him leave again.

"Castle?" She called out, just as desperate a plea as "See you in the fall?" had been.

"Yes?" He turned to look at her, his face an emotionless mask, though she was sure she could see sadness in his eyes.

"See you tomorrow." He nodded and closed the door behind him as she leant into her couch, completely ignoring the plate of food on the table. But strangely, she didn't feel so alone anymore.

* * *

**Review? I'd really appreciate it. And I'd love to hear your views on the sneak peeks if you've seen them or just on Season 3 in general. And if you haven't seen the sneak peeks and want to then go to SpoilerTV's website, click on ABC, then Castle and they're there. Thanks for reading.**


End file.
